Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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