I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
