so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
