It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
