The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
