You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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