on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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