the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
