I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
