that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
