are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
