I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
