ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
