I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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