Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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