you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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