We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
