Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
one two three fourrrrnication!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
