Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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