We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
