last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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