Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
