Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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