Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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