we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
