and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
