I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
