I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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