i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize