i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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