i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
