Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
