Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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