the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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