Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
