all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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