You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
