i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
