I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
