I'm lost and stupid without you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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