I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize