stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
