I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
