Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
