That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
