i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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