guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
