youre lurking in front of me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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