Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize