i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
