I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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