Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
bring money and cleavage
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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