Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
