i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
