This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
