he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
