I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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