i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
