I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were trust falling into bushes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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