Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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