i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
