I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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