toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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